Heiderino

I think human beings find it inherently amusing to see someone else fall. Of course, it isn’t funny if they get hurt in the fall, but the actual sight of someone stumbling, tripping or doing what I tend to do (fall for no apparent reason) is usually very funny.

This is why I never get mad when people laugh when I fall. I once flew head over teakettle down a flight of concrete stairs in college. Of course, this happened between classes, so I was far from alone in the stairwell. I was also carrying 2 big bags full of papers and books, which got strewn all down the stairs. The strawberry yogurt (how I remember that it was strawberry is impossible for me to know) in my bag exploded during the fall, and I had it on my arms, in my hair, and it was all over the steps.

I truly believe that part of the reason people laugh is nervousness. You’re embarrassed for the other person, and it comes across in the form of laughter.

The fact that I fall frequently, and even once broke my ankle just falling because of my high heels, bodes badly for my future. I may be only 31, but at this rate, I’m on the fast track to Broken Hip Land.

Of course, I got to thinking about this today at work, when I was walking down the hall and a guy about 50 yards ahead of me tripped on his own shoes. He sort of floundered, looked like he was leaning dangerously forward, but somehow caught himself. He IMMEDIATELY turned around to see if anyone was watching. I quickly turned and acted like I didn’t just witness this hilarious occurrence.

I have many theories, and one of the strongest is the Stroller and Sunglasses theory.

The basic premise of the S&S Theory is simple:

Do not buy expensive strollers or sunglasses.

Let’s start with Strollers - my extensive practical research:

$$$$ vs. $ Strollers…	$$$$ Stroller	$ Stroller
Susceptible to being struck by your car in your garage (see exhibit A below)	Yes	Yes
Attracts stains of all kinds	Yes	Yes
Surround Sound	Yes	No
Carries your child from the car to the mall, through the zoo, around the block	Yes	Yes
Invites theft from public stroller parks at the zoo train, museums and other non-stroller-friendly places	Yes	No
Likely to be thrown up on at some point	Yes	Yes
Will be obsolete in the stroller world within 6 months	Yes	Yes
Cute designs available	Yes	Yes

Exhibit A - General stroller shot, close up of wheel hit by my van.

Sunglasses are about the same. Well, unless you consider the risks of eye damage with the use of el-cheapo sunglasses:

$$$$ vs. $ Sunglasses…	$$$$ Sunglasses	$ Sunglasses
Likely to get lost	Yes	Yes
Likely to break if you sit on them	Yes	Yes
Okay-looking	Yes	Yes
Get dirty	Yes	Yes
Invites auto break-ins if left in sight	Yes	No
Provide quality UV protection	Potentially	No way
Will be obsolete in the sunglass fashion world within 6 months	Yes	Yes

Exhibit B - Acceptably fashionable (to me, at least) sunglasses purchased for $1 at the Dollar Tree. Yes - $1. At this rate, sunglasses are nearly disposable.

I love my Bluetooth headset. It is seriously awesome. In fact, when I forget or misplace it, I feel almost crippled.

The other day, something strange happened. I was in the shower, and I panicked because I felt like the headset was in my ear… But it wasn’t!

Like phantom pain after a limb is amputated, Bluetooth Ear leaves you with the feeling that the Star-Trek-like device is attached to you at all times. It makes you want to just click on your ear to call your Mom, too.

There are a couple other symptoms of this condition:

Loss - You come home, run in, kids are yelling… Sometime along the way the headset is ejected, and finding out where is the challenge. You rely on this baby to drive, and not having it is akin to a PB&J minus the PB.

Rage - you reach up to click on the thing, only to realize it isn’t there. How irritating!

Annoyance - you come home, put the thing on a table somewhere, then dial a number using the phone the conventional way. If you are still in range, your phone tells you that you’re connected to whoever it is you’re calling, but you can’t hear a damn thing because the Bluetooth is synced, and you aren’t sure where it even is. This is about the time you start shouting things like: “Mom! Mom? I can’t find my headset!” with the hope that she will hear you and understand.

So with that, I implore the medical community to research this more. Ha!!!

UPDATE - 07/01/2006:

I jinxed myself by writing this post last night, and I also proved myself right on two things today (refer to above conditions):

LOSS - This morning, I could NOT find my bluetooth. I had to go without it. Awful.

RAGE - During my day away from home, I poked myself in the ear twice in an obviously futile attempt to dial out via my bluetooth.

That will teach me!